Signing Out for the Last Time

I thought I wanted to get back into blogging. However, once I began the interest was not there. I have decided to limit my time behind the keyboard.

I want to thank everyone for their support over these last few years. Blogging has taught me so much about mothering, family, disability, Autism and what it truly means to be a part of a supportive network.

If you would like to keep in touch please e-mail me at marlabaltes.hotmail.com. I love you all and will miss you greatly.

I have also limited my use of facebook. I am using that only as a means to keep in contact with my immediate family members. For everyone else I will be going back to the old fashioned method of e-mail and phone calls. Please do not take it personally for those of you that were removed from my facebook account. My life requires more privacy than in the past and I am finding that it works very well.

I wish you and your children all of the best.

Alex Barton's Tie Die Project

Remember when we rallied around Alex Barton and let it be known we would not forget what happened in his elementary classroom? If you are new please read my post on Alex.Alex's mother has started the Tie Dye Project. This unity chain is an expression of passion for the equal rights of all people on the spectrum.

If you are interested in learning more about this project please e-mail Alex's mom at mommyofalex@justiceforalexbarton.com.

Smile! We are teaching our children to be responsible for the unity that they find in each other.

Please visit Justice For Alex Barton

Dog Park Days....Darwin's Big Decision

Dog Park Days is up and running again. My recent post is Darwin's Big Decision for the Day....where to nap next?

This Dog Park Days post is dedicated to Chris who finds almost everything about Darwin very entertaining. Thank you Chris for all that you do for me and for being my very bestest friend.

Soft Clothing for All Children and Sensory Processing Disorder

Director, Jessica Elsas contacted me in regards to having a Blogger Profile on her site Soft Clothing for all Children.

Jessica wrote, "We plan to do weekly profiles of blogs that cover issues related to Autism, Aspergers, Sensory Processing Disorder, Special Needs, Parenting and more. The purpose is twofold--to bring much deserved attention and traffic to blogs that deal with these topics, as well as to create a resource archive on the Soft Blog--for our readers and Google searchers everywhere. We get a lot of traffic from people searching for topics that are not covered comprehensively by us--but they still land on our pages. We hope this archive will direct our readers to blogs and articles that more comprehensively address their queries. For more information on our company and mission, please see http://www.softclothing.net/."

If you are interested in having your blog profiled please write to Jessica at info@softclothing.net.
I told a little about our story with Sensory Processing Disorder last October. Over time Maizie has been able to handle more sensory input but SPD continues to be a challenge for her. All of us have sensory issues but for children like Maizie it is more intense and can slow down life, making it almost unbearable.

Tags on my shirts send me over the edge. I cut most tags off immediately after purchasing an item. Obviously, for many children with SPD it goes beyond the irritating tags. The feel of the fabric, the way it hangs, does the fabric cling or give...there are many factors to consider.

Too many socks, underwear and shirts have been given away since Maizie refused to ever wear them because they, "hurt me". Jeans are the worst. She may agree to a pair in the store and once home curses them for every little stitch.

I am looking forward to seeing the clothing line at Soft for all Children. If you have any tips or links that you find helpful to help your child with SPD please leave them in the comments.

My Life Reinvented

Where do I begin after such a long and intense Bloggy Break? Many of you have been keeping up with me on Facebook. If you have not I will remind you that my divorce will soon be final. Maizie continues to talk to her Dad and will be visiting him. That is all I will say about that here.I certainly have appreciated all of the ongoing support. Making the decision to blog again has been difficult. My blogging friends understand how time consuming blogging can be. Not to mention when major life changes are happening one is a bit hesitant to share those with everyone.
After receiving many requests from friends and family I have decided to give my blog another go. I hope that my readers are happy with my return and will stick with me while I get back in the swing of things. Learning to balance Maizie, additional children,family, friends, a partner who is in the military, blogging and my art is going to be a challenge.

I imagine many of you are wondering what the heck has been going on. Where did me and Maizie disappear to?

It is amazing to me how one seemingly tragic change can open up a whole new world that would have never been imagined before. I began communicating with Chris and we fell for one another. How do I express here how in love with Chris I am? There are no words for it. We make a great team and our time together is fun and easy. I began visiting Chris in Iowa and he and his girls came to see us in Indiana. I won't go into all of the details of why it was best for us to make the move to Iowa. There were many factors involved in that decision. I am thankful for my friends and family that helped me move in literally....one day. So much work! Maizie and me love being here with Chris and his three girls. Chris shares joint custody of his beautiful daughters.
I know! Major changes. Maizie and me went from being on our own to sharing a home with a four, seven and nine year old. Darwin and the guinea pigs love all the extra attention! My blog will begin where I am now, where I am happy to be. You all know I am not one to dwell on the past and change does not scare me. I've moved on and we are all the better for it.

Maizie spent one week in the University of Iowa Children's Hospital for pneumonia, increased CVS and seizures. That was by far the scariest hospitalization Maizie has ever had. Chris and I were witness to a new type of seizure during that illness and it was by far the scariest I have ever seen. We were very concerned that she was not going to pull through. The pneumonia was very stubborn. I am happy to say that Maizie is feeling good and has her appetite back. She had lost so much weight that we were forcing Ensure on her every chance we could.

While at the hospital Maizie had excellent care. We were hooked up with top physicians who are going to continue caring for her. I was not looked at like a crazy mother when I told them about her Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome, Chromosome Disorder, Seizure Disorder and Autism. Not one doctor said, "Now....what does that all mean exactly?" No one looked at me like I was nuts when I told them the medications she was on in order to stay healthy. What a breath of fresh air that was! Those of you out there with children like Maizie know what I am talking about. They understood how complicated her diagnosis is and I was beyond relieved.

As you see my header is now, Marla On All That is Dazlious. My last name will soon change back to my maiden name. However, I do not want to move to a new blog address at this time so you will continue to find me here. I have much to share and look forward to catching up with you all soon.

Bloggy Break

I am sorry to let you all know that a bloggy break has to happen. There is so much going on here that I don't have the time to devote to my blog right now. Read my previous post if you are unsure what I am talking about.

I will continue visiting your blogs as much as I can. Facebook is a great way to keep in touch for a while as well.

Please keep me and Maizie in your prayers as we move into the new year on our own.

Hopefully I will be back sooner than later!

Love you all.

Happy New Years Eve!

Ring out the old, ring in the new,

Ring, happy bells, across the snow:

The year is going, let him go;

Ring out the false, ring in the true.

~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

Wishing you and yours a truly blessed new year.

Love,

Maizie, Marla, Darwin

and

the two cavies

Zebra & Salem

Taking a New Path

I went on an emotional roller coaster ride this weekend. I am sure that is to be expected when you discover that your "best friend" of seventeen years has been cheating on you, decides he wants you back...you begin to move forward, forgive, be quite intimate together and then all of a sudden he wants a divorce to run off to another state and be with a married mother of two young children. Lovely.

To say I felt like an idiot was an understatement. I tend to beat myself up for not responding to all the red flags sooner. What Joe is thinking and doing will never make sense to me. I realize now it does not need to.

I took some steps this weekend that made me stronger. The energy level in the house has totally changed. It is lighter, happier and I don't feel like I am walking on egg shells anymore.

Today I met my parents at Target. They wanted to help me create a new bedroom. An awesome idea! My mom purchased a beautiful light colored bed spread for me and I treated myself to new curtains and pillows. Oh, and a really fuzzy mint green blanket that is to die for. I threw out Joe's favorite purple blanket since I certainly don't want that in bed with me anymore.

My mom and dad helped me rearrange everything in a more workable way. I found a coax cable and finally hooked my bedroom television up to cable. Moved up my mint green bookshelf that Joe had in his office and a comfy chair that I have been wanting up here for a long time.

Maizie and I had a great time cuddling and playing Webkinz in my made over bedroom. In fact, I am all cozy writing this blog post here as well.

On Christmas Day I had moved all of Joe's belongings to his office. Luckily, he picked them up shortly thereafter. Now, I have an office space to recreate as my own as well. Hey, why not take advantage of my new found space. I am sure "certain individuals" will say it shows how "self obsessed" I am. Whatever. Anyone who knows me can attest that I am not self obsessed.

I do have my concerns about Maizie. She has had two CVS spells since Joe told her he was leaving me. Her sleeping is erratic. My Aunt Julie took her to see Bedtime Stories today. Apparently the opening scene is of a father who abandons his wife and children. Lovely. Obviously we were not aware of this beforehand. Julie said Maizie did not say anything about it so she did not say anything about it either. I imagine Maizie is letting that information soak in.

Maizie has a few crying spells a day in regards to missing her Daddy. This is by far the most painful aspect of this situation for me. I don't want her to hurt but I can't shield her from it either. Joe is planning to move out of state very soon. I doubt she will see him very often. It is unclear to me if he will be traveling back often or not.

The pain children go through in these situations is certainly not uncommon. Maizie is not the first child to have been left by a parent nor will she be the last. And yet, the pain is undeniably life altering.

Suddenly, this life of mine has taken a new path. At first I thought I was never going to survive it. I wanted to turn everything around! In fact, I tried doing so when Joe came back and began "wooing me". When the path shifted again I realized that something had shifted within me. I woke up! No longer did I want Joe. After being with him for seventeen years it is understandable that I miss him terribly. The pain comes in intense waves and then I feel almost giddy with a freedom I have not experienced in years. I will make the best of this situation. I have to. For me and for Maizie.

Thank you to everyone for all of the e-mails and Facebook support. I am planning on making the rounds to my blogging friends real soon. As you can imagine my focusing ability has been a bit poor these last few days. I do miss you all very much.

Maizie and Me see Twilight, the Movie

Maizie had a great day at school and was in a fantastic mood tonight. I was too. We agreed that we did not want to spend another night at home. I asked Maizie what she wanted to do more than anything. I knew what she would say. When given the choice Maizie will always choose a movie. I knew my challenge would be convincing her to see a movie I wanted to see.

As you all know I loved the Twilight series. I have been talking about going to Twilight for weeks. No one went out of their way to say, "Oh! I would love to go with you Marla." Joe said he would go with me but it never happened. Considering the extreme cheesiness of this film I am glad it was just me and Maizie.Thankfully there was only one other person there tonight. A guy who did not want to be seen. He wore a hat and a hoodie and sunk down in his chair. I imagine he told his friends he was going to see the James Bond movie. It is quite possible Maizie and I drove him nuts. We were whispering through much of the movie. When I finally admitted to Maizie that I thought Edward was way hot she began hooting and hollering saying, "Ohhhhhhhh! Mom thinks Edward is hot! I am going to tell my teachers and Dad and Grandma and I am going to tell the whole world! Ohhhhhhhh!" We had so much fun.

I totally loved this movie. It certainly followed the book and was very similar to how I pictured the story in my mind. Maizie was excited when I told her there would be another movie with Bella and Edward soon. Her response was, "I can't wait! I am so hyper now for this movie." Too cute!

When we returned home Maizie saw the Christmas cards I purchased for her classmates. Oooops. Before I knew it we were sitting down making a list of everyone at her school at almost nine thirty at night. For each person Maizie began thinking of what that person liked. For one child she said, "He likes my singing Hanna Montana pen so I am going to draw a pen." Maizie explained to me that one little girl can't talk so she signs to her. For her she drew several stars. Another child talks a lot about shapes so she drew a triangle and a square on his card. Her thoughtfulness makes me so happy. I really needed to see Maizie in a great mood tonight. We have had several rough days in a row. Tonight reminded me that even though Maizie has her challenging days she is an amazingly intuitive and fun loving child. Just when I think I am going to crack up we have a night like this and everything feels right.

It is Possible to Feel Thankful, Happy, Proud& Sad all at Once

Today I met with Maizie's teachers to discuss how she is doing. I continue to be blown away with the staff. They seem to "get" Maizie and are working on goals that make total sense. For the first time ever Maizie wants to go to school. She is happy and I am so proud of her!

Before I was even able to bring up Maizie's recent "attitude" the teachers began talking to me about how they were handling her "tude" at school. Every time I looked at my list they were already bringing up the issue and easing my concerns, communicating ideas that made sense. This is certainly a new experience for me. Typically, I would attend meetings like this carrying notebooks, reports from doctors and written requests, etc. Preparation for the meetings took me hours and left me exhausted. Today I just showed up with my little list of questions and concerns. Within thirty minutes the meeting was done.

I requested more attention be placed on math skills and everyone agreed, notes were written down and I totally trust that within a day or two they will be working on more math with Maizie. They are writing up a plan to help Maizie become more independent with her medications and shared their ideas with me. Once I agree to the written plan and sign it they will begin working with her on taking her medications.

Of course all of these goals transfer to home as well. We need to stop doing so many things for Maizie and help her learn these skills. I continue to work with Maizie on some homeschooling since a lot of her day program is not addressing academics. I told the staff that I thought Maizie was losing academic skills even though we try to keep her working on them at home as well. This moved into the area of Maizie's memory which varies from day to day. I felt myself get a bit blurry eyed and choking back the tears when this topic came up. I don't often find myself feeling emotional at these meetings. I think I was so amazed that these people were understanding Maizie and in total agreement with my concerns and even added some of their own. I still feel in a state of shock from it all.

The most emotional part is hearing the staff say something like this,"We want Maizie to be as independent as possible. Would you agree that Maizie will probably be on a few medications for her entire life, for her various health problems? Yes...we think so too. So, it is very important that we help her be as independent as possible. Of course, she will always need someone to help her count out the medications and handle refills and things like that. But, we would like her to get used to handling the pills herself and making sure she knows how to read the labels and take the medication on her own." No one has ever talked to me about Maizie needing medications her entire life, yet alone that she would always require someone to assist her with them. Yes, I think about this but it is less real until you hear someone else say it. Does that make sense?

Or when they say something like this when I express my concern in regards to academics, "I think we can all agree that it is more important right now that Maizie learn basic math, reading and language skills rather than science and history. That is not to say that we don't want her to learn those things but since she is having a hard time with even the most basic learning and memory skills we feel it is very important to focus on those areas before working on higher academics." I know this. I really do. But, as a mom it is so hard to admit that Maizie still can't repeat a simple message upon hearing it. It is hard for me to accept that her memory and processing skills are still that of a preschooler. Her previous schools pushed her forward despite her never learning even the most basic skills. Obviously, that does not work long term.

I almost passed out when they said something like this in regards to our long term goal, "Eventually, in a year or so our goal would be that Maizie may attend a private (Catholic, Lutheran, etc.) school where we have had good placements. These schools are more open to one to one aides when needed and reduced school schedules. Maizie will have a very hard time fitting into a regular classroom because academically she is years behind. A special needs classroom is not acceptable because she is more advanced than what you would find in those classrooms. We will work towards her attending a private school...possibly....a couple half days a week."

I sat there stunned. Never before have teachers talked to me like this. Usually I heard this, "We think Maizie is doing just fine. She is a quiet, darling little girl and she tries hard to please her teachers. We would like to mainstream Maizie and use the resource room for ISTEP skills. Here is the schedule (insert schedule from hell moving from room to room to room, from teacher to teacher to teacher)." I sigh and begin to advocate like a lawyer, trying to prove that my daughter needs an aide if she is to be in a main stream classroom and that she is not at the age level they insist she is at.....on and on and on and on.

So tonight I sit her stunned, thankful and yet sad. It is a mixture of emotions that I imagine other parents of special needs children feel. I want to celebrate this new found school and at the same time I live in fear we will lose it, leaving me, Joe and Maizie beyond devastated. I suppose that is normal considering we have spent so long in search of a school for Maizie. Our insurance is being a pain about it. We already owe six grand! Insurance keeps losing the claim, saying the claim code is wrong, that it was mailed to the wrong address and blah blah blah. It is enough to send me over the edge. For once I just want to know that she will be in the same school for at least a good year. Two would be even better.

And the Prizes go to.....

Casdok is the Grand Prize Winner of the Lil' Miss Maizie Eats Edamame Keepsake Box!

Winners of an All That is Dazlious magnet...

Niksmom

Club 166

Storkdok

Felicia

Mary P Jones

Crystal Jigsaw

Katrin

Ashley's Mom

Pregnantly Plump

Please e-mail the following information to marlabaltes@hotmail.com.

Your commenter's name.
Your real first and last name.
Your address so I can mail you the prize.

I will mail the prizes out later this week. Thanks for playing along!

Let Them Eat Cake!

We celebrated Maizie's birthday with family this week. Maizie's birthday is very close to Christmas. It helps to have the big event celebrated early when things are a tad calmer.

This time of year is one of Maizie's most challenging. We keep the month of December and our Christmas celebration very low key. Even though we go out of our way to reduce stress during this time I am convinced there is something in the air that gets everyone, including Maizie overly excited. Maizie senses this and her ability to cope with life seems to decrease almost overnight.

The biggest stress and chaos inducing factor when we celebrate holidays is food. Maizie loves cake, cookies and all sweets. I made a cute vanilla cake for her birthday gathering. Maizie and Christian loved it. I have managed to resist its sweet charms. Maizie can't stop thinking about it. She wants to eat cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I refused Maizie's "deal" of eating five bites of pancakes followed by a piece of cake for breakfast. Before I knew it Maizie was screaming at me that I am the worst mom in the whole world. She said she would never write me any love notes ever again. (A frequent threat when she is told, "no".) Maizie continued yelling at me.....loudly. My ears are still ringing. She said, "I am going to go upstairs and slam my door!" The slamming of the door does not bother me at all. I am thrilled when Maizie is willing to retreat to her room to calm down. Upon doing so she always slams the door at least three or four times in a row. For dramatic purposes, of course.

This morning though there seemed to be no relief in sight. Maizie wanted a piece of that yummy cake and she was trying everything until I agreed. I let Darwin out and when I came back inside the house was too quiet. I looked where the cake had been and it was gone. Not good.

I found Maizie hiding behind her favorite chair with her arms wrapped tightly around the cake Tupperware. The cake was nice and secure inside. Whew. Granted, all I felt like doing was grabbing the cake and disposing of it in the trash, in a very dramatic fashion!

It seemed to me like I was negotiating a hostage deal to save the birthday cake. Except I would gladly destroy the birthday cake to avoid this situation from happening again.

I pictured myself forcing the cake out of Maizie's arms and rushing it to the trash can, scraping it into the trash triumphantly. Fortunately, I contained my frustration realizing that reacting in that way would no doubt traumatize Maizie for years, ruining one of her favorite things...cake. Argh.Finally, Maizie released the cake and I put it on top of the cupboards in the kitchen. I repeated that she could enjoy a piece of cake with her lunch. Crocodile tears fell and then she requested a soda. I swear, I just woke up a bit ago and I was about to be sent over the edge. I wanted to scream. I think I may have made a sound that resembled a bear growling. Lovely.

It felt like deja vu as Maizie began yelling at me all over again wanting a soda. I thought things were going to get even worse when she stormed into the kitchen insisting she was going to get a soda. I stood there wanting so badly to just go back to bed. I thought about waking Joe up and making him take over but knew Maizie would follow me to my bedroom and yell at me there.

To my surprise Maizie chose a juice box and stomped back into the living room saying, "Mom! I really don't like you right now! You better not get rid of that cake! I want a piece at lunch time." She then cuddled up with a blanket on her chair and has been quiet ever since.

I sighed real big, proud of Maizie and proud of myself for not totally freaking out. It is only nine and we have the rest of the day to navigate through. Maizie looks exhausted so I am praying she takes a morning nap. I know I will be waking up Joe in a bit so I can take a mid morning nap.

Do you all have challenges around food and the holidays this time of year? I know we do. Soon Joe will be making delicious frosted cookies and snicker doodles. They are not something I am allowed to eat anymore. I am sure Maizie will have similar morning cravings for those cookies. And yet, we still make them together. They are a family tradition.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for all of my fellow blogging friends and readers! Since I began blogging I have met so many amazing people. Sometimes when I am down on myself, worried or celebrating a triumph I think about you all and your positive energy and encouragement moves me forward.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving Day I want to give a gift to a few lucky readers.

I will place all of the commenter's names in a bowl. Maizie will randomly pick each name out for me. The first name drawn will win the grand prize of a keepsake box with an image I created titled "Lil' Miss Maizie Loves Edamame" and an All That is Dazlious magnet! Eight more names will be drawn for an All That is Dazlious magnet!Are you as excited as I am? I hope so!

All you have to do is leave me one of your dazlious comments and I will post the winners this coming Sunday.

Thank you bloggy friends and readers! I am so thankful for each and every one of you. Have a restful and joyful Thanksgiving weekend.

Holiday Traditions and a Drug House

This weekend was fun and frustrating at the same time. Friday night I decided we were going to get our house ready for Christmas. Out came the ornaments and set around stuff. Maizie, as always was very excited. With each ornament Maizie said, "Did I make this mom? Who made this one? Is this one mine from when I was a baby? When can I be a baby again?" The questions never stopped.

While we were decorating the tree I heard some strange noises in between the houses. I opened the back door to find one of our neighbors trying to break into the electrical box to his apartment. He looked at me and said in his usual drug induced way, "I am just tightening things up back here! That's all." I smiled, nodded and closed the door.

Joe and I discussed that we thought he was going to get electrocuted and then he knocked on the door. Joe answered and he asked if we had a Philip's screwdriver. Joe said, "Sorry, we don't." Needless to say, we do but we don't want to get into the habit of handing out tools to the neighbors for illegal activities.

I peeked through the window blinds to see him pushing a screwdriver into the box and trying to pull the door off. I noticed a large lock had been placed on the bottom of the electrical box. Putting two and two together I realized our neighbor must not have paid the bill and was trying to turn his power back on. He was making some progress but the way he was haphazardly jamming the various tools he had into that box made me nervous.

I held my phone, staring at it and staring back out the window. Finally, I called the police and they had me stay on the line giving a description of our neighbor and waiting till the cop arrived. Once the police came our neighbor took off like a lightning bolt through the back yard and down the alley. The cop followed, flashlight in hand and gun out. Lovely.

I began running from window to window. A sight Maizie has unfortunately witnessed on many occasions. I heard the loud annoying squeak the neighbors door makes every time it is opened or closed and ran to the front. The man had already made it back to the safety of his apartment and the cop was still running in the wrong direction. Argh!

I called the police station back and told them that the guy went back into his apartment. The cop gets the message and came back huffing and puffing, knocking on the front door. It took quite a while for the guys to answer. Once they did I heard one of the men saying, "I swear! It was not me! I just got back from walking down from the liquor store." No doubt he was telling the truth since our neighbors like to begin drinking early in the morning and into the night. In fact, it seems that they don't require any sleep at all.

I heard tempers flaring and reluctantly peeked my head out the door. The cops turned to look at me and pointed to the man they were accusing of trying to break into the electrical box. I shook my head no and they reentered the apartment. They came out with the other guy and I nodded 'yes'. Not happy. Not happy at all. It is bad enough that I have to call the cops a few times a week on our neighbors but now our neighbors knew I had called this time. Not cool.

I have went out of my way to always say hello and treat my annoying and sometimes scary neighbors with the respect they want and I am sure verifying who was who did not please them. I only hoped that they were all too drunk and doped up on crack to remember me.

I went back in the house, reassured Maizie that it was over and we began decorating again. Maizie kept peeking out the front window waiting to see if the guy was going to be arrested. Maizie is all too familiar with the process. Finally she yelled, "There is the cop mom!" I ran back to the window and saw that they were indeed arresting the man. That surprised me.

I heard the cops back at the electrical boxes talking so I went out to see if there was anything new they could tell me about our drug house next door.

One of the cops looked up and said, "Now, if you hear anything else tonight or need anything please don't hesitate to call. We are arresting him but he will be out in a few hours. (I sighed real big.) Also, you may want to call narcotics again."

I explained how many times I have called narcotics and nothing seems to be happening.

The cops explained that there are undercover cops working on the situation in unmarked cars and that it takes a great deal of time. Yes, it certainly must.

I told the cops that sometimes I have felt bad calling because I know the neighbors are struggling on a number of levels....financially, with severe addictions, etc. I asked them if I could be imagining the drug use? The cops brought up the incident last week where they were called because a man on crack cocaine had beat up a woman he was with. I nodded my head since I had talked to that woman on that night as well. She said this to me when I went out to my car, "I am trying so hard. So hard to be clean and just be a good person. I have been off crack for seven days, I loved this guy and thought he loved me and then he does this to me." I nodded and found myself at a loss for words. I said, "Don't give up. Whatever you do....just keep trying." I quickly went back into the house not waiting for a response.

The cops went on to say, "Just remember that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck it is probably a duck."

Okay. We just gotta find a way to move out of this house at some point. Our neighborhood is historic and beautiful, there are some really good people here and yet there are some people who are very desperate and don't want to live according to the rules of society. What more can I do? There seems to be nothing. I just get so frustrated and angry. I called the landlord again. He lives in a nice house outside of the down town area and could care less. I make a point of calling him whenever I call the cops. He never answers.

The next night we had my mom over for her birthday. The whole family was here and it was a very nice time. I know my parents worry about us living here. They are glad to have us back in Indiana but are not happy we live in this house next to that house. Yes, buying this house was not the best decision we have ever made. We moved to this modest house when we had no insurance coverage for Maizie. Her medications and hospital stays were being refused and mental coverage was being dropped. Debt was piling quickly and we freaked, scaling way down. So, we are stuck here for right now.

What will Maizie remember of these nights decorating for Christmas? The frequent incidents with our neighbors or the meaning behind every ornament she hangs?

I shake it off and we make the best of our cozy little cottage house.

My Night Owl

Maizie woke me up at three in the morning by lightly patting my left foot through the comforter. When she wakes me up in this way it takes me quite a while to leave 'la la land'. I typically assume Darwin is lying on my feet, licking his paws. Anyway, I wake up after who knows how long of her patiently patting and say, "Oh no......what?!"

I am sure that is not the loving greeting that she was hoping for. But at three in the morning I am lucky to be speaking at all. Maizie told me she had a bad dream. I asked her what it was about and she said she can't tell me and then quickly shouted, "Zombies!" Lately Maizie's tone of voice has been loud and louder. She has always struggled with speaking at an even volume but lately it has progressed into a tween angst sort of yelling in order to get her point across. Even the school has noticed it. Lovely.

I stretched out my arms out for a nice hug. She stepped back and stared at me. I asked, "Do you want to sleep in bed with me?" I regretted that almost immediately remembering that sleeping with Maizie is like sleeping with a kick boxer.

Maizie shook her head no. Whew. Maizie said, "Mom. Will you tuck me in?" I forced my lazy self out of bed and followed Maizie back to her room. I turned the television back on, kissed her forehead and said, "Go back to sleep! I mean it Maizie! You have got to sleep or tomorrow will be miserable!"

Okay. There are a few things I must explain from that last paragraph. First, the television. We fought Maizie sleeping with a television on in her room for years. I brought it up with my counselor when she was seven saying, "This child will not sleep. I am losing my mind! Worse, she begs me to keep the television on. I have tried soft music but she insists it has to be the t.v."

The counselor looked at me and said, "Why don't you just keep the television on for her?" I said, "No! Why would I do that? She watches enough t.v. as it is. What kind of mom would I be?!" He sighed and then said, " Just try leaving the television on and see what happens." I thought he was nuts but agreed. Once we began leaving the t.v. on for her she began sleeping for more hours at a time. I was thrilled and so was my know it all counselor. Apparently, some people don't like total silence when they sleep and require white noise. I wear ear plugs.

Second, the words I said to Maizie. 'Tomorrow' and 'miserable'...do you really think Maizie understood what I was saying? I am sure she knew from my tone that I was not thrilled she was awake but talking about 'tomorrow' probably confused her and I doubt she knew what 'miserable' meant in regards to school. I am pretty certain what I was thinking was this, "Go to sleep or I won't get any sleep and tomorrow will be miserable for me!"

Maizie cuddled under the covers and closed her eyes. Yes! I stumbled back to my room and went to my favorite place...la la land.

I did not wake up again until eight. My door had been shut(I wonder who did that) and Darwin was keeping my feet toasty warm.

Maizie was playing nicely in her room and watching her favorite Faerie Tale Theatre, Beauty and the Beast. Her bedroom was a mess. A huge, ginormous mess. I asked her if she had slept all night. Maizie hid something behind her back and nervously shouted, "Yes! I just got up Mom!!!!" Hmmmm...I looked behind her back and saw several cups and Tupperware filled with water. I did not even have to ask. Maizie explained in her quiet focused voice, "I was putting my fish in these and this one and that one." Oh my. The beta fish were alive and well in the tank. Quite the project for having just "woke up". I sighed a big sigh.

Once downstairs I saw another clue that led me to believe Maizie was up most of the night. Before I went to bed the kitchen was all cleaned up, no sodas or dishes anywhere. Everything was spotless. Upon entering the kitchen I saw an orange soda, opened and empty on the dining room table. Argh! Then I saw this...I went back upstairs and told Maizie I was not happy that she was up since she had her bad dream. Maizie's eyes got all big and she said, "How do you always know?!"